all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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