Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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