so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
