dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How's work?
Spinning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
