having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
