were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
