i permit you to call me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
