I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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