so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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