omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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