I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize