I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
