I feel great
I just peed on a car
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
