I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
