I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
