She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
