Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
