Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize