The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
