Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
