i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
