Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
