i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
