Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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