Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
