I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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