Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize