I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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