I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
