You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
