i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
