Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize