Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
