and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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