Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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