Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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