I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
