Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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