she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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