Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
