I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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