I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
