When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
