My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
