i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
