I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
