Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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