I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
