i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
