you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Farmville is her only friend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Found your dick twin last night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize