her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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