I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
