my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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