I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
