It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
