yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
