Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
