at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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