i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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