i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
