hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
