he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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