im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's just like the Real World with babies
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
