I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize