this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
