Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
