thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
