dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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