Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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