On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
