the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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