Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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