i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize