I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
