Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
