I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
