I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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