sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
