how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
