i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I touched a dick in church today
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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