cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Someone came in the potted fern
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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