I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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