it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
