Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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