ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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