my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
