so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
