I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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