I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
