i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
