That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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