Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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