So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
