last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
