im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
