I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
