enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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